to be last
by queen-sheep
Summary: "There's a rumour going about that you and Sirius are dating," Peter says. Remus' heart lodges itself firmly in his throat.


_For the QLFC S6R8_

 _Prompt: Write a story about falling prey to rumours (either the people involved in the rumour or the listeners)._

 _Optional prompts: (word) forgive, (emotion) frustration, (song) Let's Not Fall in Love by BIG BANG_

* * *

Remus can sense something is wrong the moment he steps into Charms class in the morning. James has this manic grin on his face and he doesn't stop smiling even after Remus doubles checks his robes, his shoes, and the chair and desk for any mischievous shenanigans. There isn't a single hair out of place.

Remus checks the chair once more—even wiggling it to make sure all of its joints are firmly attached—before he finally takes a seat. The professor isn't here yet, so he's got a few minutes.

"Okay," Remus says, turning fully to stare at James. "Spill. What's going on?"

"Why would anything be going on, my dear friend?" James asks smugly. "Or, actually, don't ask me. Why don't you ask your _boyfriend_?"

James gestures towards the door, where Sirius had just stumbled through, still half-asleep. Remus' heart lodges itself firmly in his throat. Had they found out? Was that why they were teasing him?

" _What?"_ Remus hisses. "What are you going on about now?"

Peter, bless his soul, comes to the rescue. "There's a rumour going about that you and Sirius are dating. Some Ravenclaw girls saw you two snogging in some hallway last night."

That's a relief, at least. Remus takes a deep breath and clenches his hands into fists to stop them from trembling. His secret is safe with him.

"We weren't snogging," he says reasonably, thinking back to what they were doing last night. "We were arguing. I pushed him against the wall, and I guess that's when they walked in?"

James shrugs. "Yeah, I thought it might've been something like that. But try telling that to the rumour mill."

"Try telling what to the rumour mill?" Sirius asks, dropping into the seat next to Peter. "Why do I get the feeling you're talking about me."

"You've got a new romantic partner as of last night, didn't you know?" James asks. He winks at Remus. What a drama queen.

Sirius brightens at that, completely falling for it. "Sweet! Who is it this time? Mary Macdonald? Bertha Jorkins? That girl may be dumb, but _Merlin_ does she have a nice pair of legs."

" _Sirius_!" Peter scolds weakly.

"Nope, even better!" James says, leaning in conspiratorially. "It's Remus!"

Remus looks up just in time to catch a myriad of emotions flicker across Sirius' face. Surprise, fear, guilt. Remus' stomach sinks.

"Oh," Sirius says, seemingly at a loss for words. There's a short pause. James and Peter exchange glances, apparently thrown off by his lacklustre reaction.

But Sirius recovers quickly and starts to play along. "Oh! Of course." He stands up and dramatically pushes James off his chair, stealing the seat from him before he can get up again.

"Yes, how dare you try and keep me away from my boyfriend," Sirius sniffs. James grumbles at the rough treatment, but picks himself up off the floor and slides into the seat next to Peter.

Sirius grins at Remus and throws an arm around his shoulder, but Remus can barely muster a smile.

…

Sirius is well and truly milking this for all it's worth.

"Out of the way!" he declares, throwing out an arm to push against the people in the crowded hallway. "I'm gay!"

Remus is slowly dying inside. His face burns when people turn to stare at them and start whispering to their friends, but Sirius pays it no mind, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowd.

It's been three weeks of both heaven and hell for him. On one hand, it feels… nice to have Sirius' unabashed attention on him. To have Sirius hold his hand or peck him on the cheek before class. (James had died laughed at the expression Remus had made). On the other hand, knowing that it's all staged, that it's all fake, quickly crushes any fleeting happiness he receives from it.

"Sirius, we're not really dating," Remus hisses as they pass into one of the smaller hallways. "If you had given it a month, everyone would've forgotten about it."

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Sirius says back, grinning back at him while tossing his hair out of his eyes. Remus' heart gives a traitorous lurch. "Come on, we've got Care of Magical Creatures next."

They step out into the cold winter air and Remus belatedly realizes he's left his scarf and gloves back in the dorm. "Oh, _bother_ ," he mutters under his breath, puffs of white clouds escaping his mouth.

Sirius turns back to stare at him. "What's up? If we don't hurry we'll be late for class, Mr. Prefect."

Remus chews his lips, considering. "I'm coming," he finally sighs, hunching his shoulders up and trying to shiver too terribly. He falls into step next to Sirius, who eyes him in concern.

"It's unlike you to forget something," Sirius says. "Something on your mind?"

 _You,_ he almost says, but of course he can't. They're not even dating and Sirius has never even looked at him like that. These past three weeks of having Sirius all to himself is wreaking havoc on his self control.

Remus shakes his head silently, electing not to answer. When he looks up to change the subject, a heavy weight falls across his shoulder instead. Remus blinks in surprise to see Sirius' scarf draped over his shoulders instead.

"Sirius!" he says, shocked. "I can't take this. It's minus ten degrees right now. Besides, I have a higher body temperature than you do anyways." He unwraps the scarf and tries to press it into Sirius' hands, but Sirius dances ahead of him.

"Nope, not a chance!" he sings. "You'll have to catch me first."

"Oh yeah?" Remus grins and takes off into a sprint. Sirius yelps and runs away, but Remus is stronger and faster than Sirius, even if he doesn't look it. In no time, he's tackled Sirius to the ground and forced the scarf around his neck.

He looks down to see Sirius laughing under him and Remus' heart stutters in his chest. Sirius' gaze flickers down to his mouth and Remus stares, mystified, as he absently licks his lips. Remus swallows hard and rolls off of him, offering a hand up.

Their compromise is for them to wear one of Sirius' gloves in each hand. Remus thinks it's silly up until Sirius grabs his uncovered hand with _his_ uncovered hands. They swing their arms as they walk along.

Sirius had been doing these types of boyfriend gestures all throughout the week, but this time, there's no one around to see it. Remus tries his best to crush the tiny hope that's flared up in his heart.

…

It all comes crashing down at his feet, of course. Remus, in all his smitten glory, decides that he's going to confess to Sirius. It was something he hadn't even dared to think to himself, but with the way things were going… maybe he had a chance.

Remus catches Sirius alone in their shared dorm room one evening just before dinner.

Sirius, the poor soul, doesn't see it coming. "Hey!" he says, "so what's up?"

Remus twists his fingers anxiously. He hadn't quite thought this far. He had assumed for some reason that everything would just fall into place, but it wasn't happening.

"I know all of this happened because of that stupid rumour," Remus says quietly, gesturing between the two of them. He peers up at Sirius through his eyelashes. His stomach begins to twist into knots when he sees shutters fall over Sirius' eyes and his expression turn wooden.

Still, it's too late to turn back now. "I've admired you for a really long time now. Will you go out with me?"

There's an excruciatingly long silence. The two of them stand there, the space between their beds feeling like miles instead of the few feet that they were. Remus is thoroughly sick to his stomach at this point, and he doesn't dare to look at Sirius again, electing instead to stare down at the rug.

Finally, Sirius lets out an unhappy sigh and brushes his hair back from his face.

"Why can't we just stay like we are right now?" Sirius asks plaintively. "Aren't we happy?"

"I'm happy," Remus admits. "But, I just thought we could be something—more."

"No," Sirius says. "I—no. I can't. I'm sorry."

Remus can hear his heart breaking into a million pieces, but he freezes his expression in place to stop any of that to show through.

Remus is sorry too. He's sorry he thought that there was something between them, that he had his own chance at happiness too. He should've kept his big, fat mouth shut.

But he refuses to lose a friendship over this.

"We're still friends though, right?" Remus asks, tentative.

"Yeah, 'course," Sirius says. But when Remus looks up, he refuses to make eye contact. Remus scrambles to do something to continue the conversation.

"Ok. Um—good then. Do you wanna go down for dinner now?" Remus asks, but he feels like he already knows what the answer will be.

"You go ahead. I'll be down in a bit."

Remus doesn't argue. He leaves the dorms, his heart broken in half and feeling drained and tired. James and Peter are already in the Great Hall, and when they ask him when Sirius is coming, he doesn't have an answer.

...

Sirius starts avoiding Remus like the plague. Remus can't say he hadn't seen it coming, but it's frustrating all the same. Maybe if he hadn't gotten used to Sirius' constant presence at his side, he would've been okay, but now that he's had a little taste of heaven, he feels even more touch starved than usual.

And Sirius isn't being unfriendly, exactly, but there's a definite distance and purposeful avoidance towards Remus. Every time they need partners in class, Sirius will act fast and nab either James or Peter, leaving him with the other. He begins to take his meals just before or just after Remus does. But worst of all, he refuses to even make eye contact with Remus.

And in the meantime, the rumours about the two of them dating begins to lose steam and peter out as the students find juicier things to gossip about. Remus isn't sure if he should be happy about it or not.

Remus knows one thing though. He needs to do something about it, once and for all.

…

"James?" comes Sirius' voice from down the hallway. "Where are you, mate?"

Remus steps out from the shadows of the hallway and into the light. "James isn't here. I asked him to tell you to come out here, because if I had asked you wouldn't have come."

It's hard not to let a bitter note escape into his voice, and Sirius must notice it because he flinches.

"That's not true," he says. "You know I'd do anything for you."

"You won't even look me in the _eyes!_ " Remus snaps, his temper getting the better of him. "You've been avoiding me. I know it. You know it. Even James and Peter have noticed! What is going on?"

"Nothing's going on," Sirius protests weakly. "School, quidditch, you know. Things have just been busy."

"Busy, my _arse_. You haven't been doing anything, Sirius Black, but avoid me for weeks and I'm sick of it!"

Remus' last shout echoes through the empty hallway. He wishes Sirius would say something—anything—but he remains disturbingly silent.

"Is this because I confessed to you? I do like you," Remus says, but it sounds like defeat. "I thought you liked me too."

He feels defeated. Empty. Like he lost in a fight he didn't even know he was fighting in.

"I _do_ like you," Sirius says quietly. "I'm just—scared. I'm _really_ scared. I don't want this to turn into a fling and I don't want us to end up feeling like its all just an obligation either."

"Why are you so convinced that something bad will happen? You haven't even given us a chance," Remus argues.

Sirius throws up his hands in the air. "I don't know, okay? But I've been in five relationships this year and they always start out the same and end up with me never speaking to the girl again. I don't want us to end up that way."

Remus is just about done with this boy. "You'll never know if you don't give it a chance," he says quietly. "I care about you. And I'm willing to give this a shot if you want to."

For a moment, the two of them simply stare at each other. Sirius' eyes trace over his face consideringly as he chews his lips.

"You're right," Sirius finally laughs, and then sighs. "I guess you usually are though. I'm sorry for being so stupid."

"Is that a yes?" Remus asks calmly.

"That's a yes," Sirius confirms, before stepping into Remus' space and catching hold of his hands. He then peers at him earnestly. "Forgive me?"

Remus holds onto his anger and frustration for two more seconds, before finally deflating. He could never stay mad at Sirius for long.

"Maybe I will if you kiss me," he says, grinning.

He's completely kidding, but he feels quidditch-roughened fingers brush against his cheek before a soft mouth presses against his. Remus' heartbeat goes crazy against his chest as he twines his arms around Sirius' neck and pulls him closer. Sirius lets out a muffled noise of surprise as he stumbles forwards.

 _Mine,_ Remus' heart seems to sing, and he's never felt so happy in his life.

They break apart at the sound of a stack of books being dropped to the ground. Remus turns and makes eye contact with a Hufflepuff girl who just walked in on them. Her jaw has practically unhinged itself from her face.

"Um, hello," Remus greets politely, not sure what else to do in this type of situation.

"So the rumours were true," she mutters under her breath. Before they can get a word in otherwise, she scoops up her fallen books and sprints back the way she came, hollering, "Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were snogging in the hallway!"

Remus and Sirius look at each other and then burst into laughter.

"I guess the rumours came true after all," Sirius says, tugging him down the hallway.

"I guess so," Remus replies, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.


End file.
